


our hopes and expectations, black holes and revelations

by ElasticElla



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, rating wise this is a hard teen or v v soft mature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 16:13:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13930629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElasticElla/pseuds/ElasticElla
Summary: Live interviewing always carries an inherent risk. A stupid, unnecessary risk if you asked Ryan. May the record show, that it was in fact Shane’s brilliant idea to do a live video q&a.Really, he should be blamed for everything that follows.





	our hopes and expectations, black holes and revelations

**Author's Note:**

> title from muse's starlight  
> motivated out of pure greed, in the hopes that this fic helps kait edit the fourth college au fic ◅～(✿♡ヮ♡)Ψ
> 
> given how meta the intro is, now seems like a great time to say: for the love of god do not ever discuss the ship with the boys, kthxbye

The live interview goes pretty well- they get a decent mix of real questions, theories, playful barbs, atrocious comments about the hot daga, and a few alien comments to keep Shane on his toes. They’re having a good time with it and the half hour they set aside breezes by, more questions piling in as the show goes. 

And then Ryan’s doing the final question. He’s even picked one with a piece of art attached, bam- easy thumbnail image when he uploads this later. 

“From GiveMeAllYourMonet-”

“Oh that’s cute.”

“It is,” Ryan agrees. “We have a picture of us as Goldsworth and Tinsley-”

“That’s clearly McClintok, look at the spy mustache! And a bloody gun- holy shit guys.” 

“Right, uh sorry Monet, Goldsworth and McClintok hanging out. Really well done, better than anything I could draw.” 

Shane laughs, “Yeah, hear that Monet? You _are_ better at drawing than a fourth grader!” 

“Shut up Shane,” Ryan says without any bite. “They’re asking, ‘Does buzzfeed want an art intern, I can draw anything. #shaniacs #shyan’”

Shane pushes his glasses up, “Well first thing, yes! Buzzfeed just posted the summer internships for here and New York, you kids should definitely apply. All shaniacs must apply,” he adds with a theatrical wink. 

“We’ll put a link in the description when this gets posted,” Ryan says. “This is really well done Monet, well named there. I dunno what the shyan hashtag means but I-”

“That’s us,” Shane quickly cuts him off. “It’s a little name for our relationship.” 

Questions are pouring in now at a rate so quick Ryan has to touch his screen to read one, and scrolling they’re mostly asking if shyan is indeed real. Which now that Ryan knows what it means, is a ridiculous question, almost offensive. 

“Of course we’re real!”

“Ryan, it’s-”

“Look everything about Unsolved is authentic, from every ghost whisper- _not_ wind-” he adds in for Shane, but he isn’t smiling, looks pained almost. “-to shyan. Alright, Shane’s looking hungry enough to eat me,” once again instead of a smile or laugh, Ryan gets a grimace and he really does want to wrap it up now. “New episode goes up in two days, thanks everyone!” 

Shane waves with him, a fake smile on his face and Ryan hits the power button before he turns to him. 

“Dude, what the fuck? Are you feeling okay?” 

Shane pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. “You just told a few thousand fans we’re dating.” 

“No, no, no- I said I liked a cute piece of artwork about our _alter egos_ , not even us, and that we’re really friends,” Ryan says quickly. 

Shane’s hands fall down against the table, an almost amused smile on his face. “Shyan is the name for us romantically, which you insisted was real and then made a joke about me eating you.” 

Ryan’s nose crinkles up, “That can’t be sanitary. They don’t really think you’d-”

“Fuck,” Shane exhales. “We need to talk with management.” 

“Manage- what, wait a minute. What do you think we’re gonna do?” 

“We’re going to issue a very nice apology stating that you misunderstood the question and hope no one was recording-” 

A flurry of twitter activity lights up his phone then, and Ryan swallows. “Uh and if they were?” 

“We’re fucked.” 

. 

Chelsea unfortunately agrees with Shane’s summation. 

“Once we release your apology to the viewers, especially those that are lgbt, we expect to take a massive hit. Lying for publicity hasn’t gone over well since- it doesn’t matter. Two of the Unsolved shows will need to be canceled, I believe Ruining History will be fine as that is more of a group effort. Now we need-”

“I’m sorry,” Ryan interrupts, voice squeaking. “ _Canceled_?” 

Chelsea frowns, “Yes Mr. Bergara. Moving forward it’ll be best if you and Shane do not collaborate-”

Ryan doesn’t hear the rest, a dull roar in his ears. His baby, his baby killed because he had to answer some stupid question. His dreams of finally proving Shane wrong in front of the whole internet crumble, and his throat is too damn dry. He needs water or a fucking punch to the face or to wake up from this goddamned terrible nightmare or something. 

“Ryan?” Shane asks gently, squeezing his hand. 

“Sorry, what?” 

“Keeping us quiet has been really rough on him,” Shane confesses to Chelsea. “Baby I know it’s earlier than we talked about, but I think we have to come out about us.” 

And _oh_ Shane is eight feet of genius that Ryan could kiss right now. 

“We’ve been together for a while now,” Ryan says with a fond smile. (He might be thinking about the time he got Shane to accidentally eat a huge chunk of wasabi, but she doesn’t need to know that.)

“Thank god.” Chelsea says with a loud relieved sigh, reaching for her bottle of water. “Obviously I’m not allowed to ask about our employees’ dating lives,” she says, a small tinkering laugh. “Though I can’t say I’m surprised after seeing your videos. And we really didn’t want to lose all the viewers you two bring in.” 

“So moving forward?” Shane asks, rubbing his thumb over the back of Ryan’s hand. 

“However you wanna address the q&a’s ending is fine by us. We would like you two in a few of the upcoming couples vids, and that way people won’t flock to Unsolved just for the dating aspect.” 

Ryan doesn’t believe that at all, but they’re getting off easier than he thought, just nods along with it. “Great, um, I think we should do the reply at home. It’ll be more homey or whatever.” 

Shane snorts, “Don’t wanna go after the office romance demographic?” 

“Alright, I have real problems to handle,” Chelsea says with a smile, shooing them out of her office. 

.

“Holy shit,” Ryan says once they’re in his car, driving home. “I owe you one.” 

“You can pay for the upcoming dates,” Shane says, and Ryan isn’t sure if he’s kidding or not. 

“So uh, what we’re gonna ‘date’ for a few years, get married, add another dog to the family, and then have a dramatic divorce?” Ryan asks. 

“You wish you could put a ring on this,” Shane jokes. 

“Really what’s the plan here? Because I don’t wanna lose Unsolved, but I don’t think you wanna spend the next few years forcibly single.” 

“We could be in an open relationship.” 

Ryan snorts, “Fuck no.”

Shane laughs, rearranging himself in passenger seat- squirmy bastard. “Didn’t you learn to share as a kid?” 

“I didn’t go to pre-school, avoided all that nonsense,” Ryan says. 

“We’ll go out for a few months, cite creative differences and split but remain friends,” Shane decides. “Maybe you’ll realize you were straight all along.” 

Ryan wheezes, nearly missing his turn. “ _Dude_. Okay. Wait, what about you?” 

“Hmm?” 

“You know,” Ryan says, pulling into his parking space. “Everyone will think you’re bisexual or whatever.” 

“Funny,” Shane says, rolling his eyes and undoing the seatbelt. 

“But… they will?” Ryan says, more than a little confused. 

“Ryan, I _am_ bi.” 

“What?” he says, and Shane gets out of the car, shaking his head. 

Ryan follows, locking up. “I feel like I missed-”

“I told you about the guy I dated before Sara, Jordan.” 

“Oooh.”

They head up to Ryan’s floor, Shane still shaking his head at him. “I showed you a picture man.” 

Ryan scratches the back of his neck, feeling like a total moron. “I thought there were two Jordans. The chick you dated from NYU, and the guy you hung out with at MIT.” 

Shane mutters something he doesn’t catch, and Ryan’s ears are already burning, feels like an imperceptive ass. It’s not that the news is shocking- Shane’s never been one to shy away from complimenting anyone regardless of gender- it’s just… Ryan can’t believe he didn’t know. It feels like he should’ve.

They reach his door, Shane’s expression unreadable. “Is that going to be a problem?” 

“Wha- no of course not!” Ryan grins as the lock unclicks, door swinging open. “If anything this’ll make us an even more convincing couple.” 

“No need to flatter yourself,” Shane says, and Ryan dramatically grabs at his chest. 

“You wound me, my good sir.” Rolling his shoulders, Ryan goes to the living room, opening his laptop. “Alright, let’s see the damage.” 

“I need a beer for this,” Shane says. 

“Yeah help yourself,” Ryan says sarcastically, adding louder, “I’ll take one too!” 

He has to type his password in twice before his computer unlocks, fingers jittery. His couch isn’t even making him feel any better, and he spent way too much money on artificial leather support for it to fail him now. What if it was too late, what if Unsolved was over and- 

“Jesus Christ.” 

“Please, call me Jesus,” Shane says, handing him a Modelo. 

“Very original. Dude look at this.” 

Shane sits beside him, scanning twitter, doesn’t look nearly surprised enough at all the mentions and dms and their stupid hashtag. Most of it’s positive, but a few tweets are uncomfortably close to the truth. 

“We should post the q&a,” Shane says. 

“Yeah gotta get Monet that internship,” Ryan says, tilting the laptop back to him. 

Shane laughs, “If that kid actually gets it, they should be required to make art for all our thumbnails.” 

“Just the thumbnails? Don’t you want a giant mural of us in the office?” 

Shane spits out some of his beer, Ryan yanking the computer off the table and cackling. 

“You’re windexing that,” Ryan informs him, but Shane’s already up and going to the kitchen. 

“Yeah, yeah. A fucking mural. Can you imagine?”

“Honestly I bet they’d leave it up,” Ryan says, copying the link into the description. “And voila! Only a few hours late.” 

“It’s barely been one, the internet can deal.” 

“Uh huh, and the other part?”

“Our epic love story?” Shane strokes his beard in a way that does not make him look nearly as dignified or worldly as he thinks. “It will remain… unsolved.” 

“Yeah okay. It helps that you’ve been quasi-mysterious about your past,” Ryan says. 

“That’s me, mysterious white male interest that won’t last more than a few episodes. Probably a photography student, but who really knows?” 

“You’re the worst.” 

“Now, now. None of that sweetums.” 

“I will literally castrate you.” 

Shane whistles low, “Kinky. I think we should discuss a safeword-”

“I’m ordering a pizza,” Ryan interrupts, bringing up Shane’s dominos account. “You’re paying.” 

“Cold. There better be pineapple on half.” 

“Heathen,” Ryan says as he adds it, going for the much nicer mushroom and onion combo on his half. 

The pizza shows up twenty minutes later, and Ryan does a little snapchat story of Shane’s stupidly excited face. There’s a ridiculous amount of views by the time Ryan gets them each a new beer, and yeah, they totally have this fake relationship thing in the bag. 

.

Perhaps what’s most notable about their new relationship status is how very little it changes. A few couple vids get pitched to them, and the fans react more to fucking everything, but other than that life’s the same. There’s no need to play things up for the camera, and maybe he uses a few more heart emojis than usual, but it’s close enough to how they are that he doesn’t feel like he’s lying to the world. 

He is though. Ryan needs to not forget that part. 

After one particular postmortem the page is inundated with comments, fans freaking out over the red plaid he’s wearing. (There’s still the occasional conspiracy comment, and Ryan doesn’t read those, stomach turning.) 

There’s a still image of him and Shane, Shane in the middle of saying something while Ryan looks at him. His own face is unrecognizable, looks like he’s too deep in-

“Good, you saw that,” Shane says from over his shoulder, and Ryan jumps, whacking his knee on the desk’s underside. 

“Dammit,” Ryan hisses, rubbing his knee, and spinning around to shoot Shane a glare. “I’m gonna make you wear a bell.” 

Shane wriggles his eyebrows, “Time and place baby.” 

“One day I’m bringing a bell in.”

“Mhmm, you should wear my shirts more often.”

And oh. Ryan was too distracted by the expression on his own stupid face to notice the important detail: he was wearing Shane’s shirt. (It was Shane’s fault for making Ryan laugh hard enough to get tea on his own shirt right before they started filming.) 

.

Ryan puts off their first couple vid for a few months. He knows they ought to do some, if only to temporarily silence the skeptics- obviously shaniacs. Not to mention, he told Chelsea they would. So when Jen says they can be in her video for the beach portion, Ryan jumps at the opportunity. And it gets even better- Jen doesn’t care if they film their bit without her, can do it while they’re in Florida investigating the Gator Ghost. (For once, Ryan is honestly hoping it isn’t real.)

So they plan in an extra day of the Florida trip for Jen’s video, and Ryan doesn’t think about it again until they’re there. And by there, Ryan doesn’t even open up Jen’s email until him and Shane are on the beach with a tripod. (The rest of the crew is at a party a mile or so down the beach, and Ryan’s hoping they’ll be done in time to join them for the evening bonfire.) 

“Is it a sunblock vid?” Shane asks, stripping his shirt off and sitting down on the towel with him.

Right, beach video, Ryan belatedly thinks. “Dunno,” he says, taking his own shirt off, “I haven’t read the email yet. The internet blows out here.” 

Shane shakes his head with a light smile. “Better hope we don’t need props.” 

“Yeah, yeah. The fuck would a sunblock video be?” 

Shane shrugs, laying back and stretching out. “Dunno. Learn gross facts about sunblock while applying it?” 

“Dude, I think that’d involve us eating it then.” 

Shane pauses, thinking. “…we’ve probably done worse things for the internet.” 

“Spider-Doll Island,” Ryan says instantly, gmail _finally_ opening Jen’s message. 

“See now that sounds like an island full of spider-shaped dolls, which is much less gross.” 

“Still sounds creepy,” Ryan says. “Alright, yada yada- ‘couples kiss in stereotypically romantic locations’. Oh.” 

Shane’s eyes flick over to the recording tripod, “You’re editing the footage yourself right?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“Oh y’know, I’d hate for Jen to know how flippant you were about her project.” 

“Fuck off,” Ryan wheezes. “Hey, good news- we aren’t missing any props.” 

“Speak for yourself,” Shane jokes. 

“Uh huh, and what would you like big guy?” Ryan asks.

Shane dramatically sighs, “A fan so my hair can blow in the wind, some strawberries to feed you, and five dolphins jumping in the background- the usual beach make out items.” 

Ryan laughs, “Yeah okay. Can I kiss you?” 

Shane’s eyebrows pop, “It’d be pretty hard to do this video without that.” 

Ryan rolls his eyes, “Shut up, you know what I mean.” 

His smile softens, “Yeah.”

“Cool, cool,” Ryan says, licking his lips and then belatedly realizing he just licked his lips because he’s about to kiss Shane and holy shit. “I’m just gonna, yeah.” 

“Articulate,” Shane teases, and Ryan leans down to kiss him before he can say anything else. 

Ryan hasn’t kissed anyone in the past year or so, not since Helen. And while he did kiss a few guys in college, it never _mattered_ \- not that kissing his fake boyfriend-coworker matters like that. But Shane’s his best friend, there’s no need for terrible kissing when they’re both probably good at this ordinarily. 

He tilts his head the other way, cupping Shane’s face, and _fuck_. Everything slots into place much better, heat racing down his spine, and Ryan’s not totally aware of his movements, coming closer until he’s straddling Shane. One of Shane’s gigantic hands settles on his lower back, the other behind his neck. It squeezes suddenly, and Ryan gasps into Shane’s mouth, the kiss deepening. 

Shane breaks for air, and Ryan’s nearly delirious. He forgot how fantastic kissing could be, wonders if he can work it into their little arrangement. Part of it must be how much bigger Shane is- a novelty factor that’s far more enjoyable than he would have imagined. 

“You okay?” Ryan asks when Shane’s still motionless against the towel, expression blank. 

Shane exhales, an almost laugh. “I’m supposed to ask you that.” 

“What?” Ryan asks, confusion thick. “Dude, I think I kissed the sense out of you.” 

Shane giggles, “Yeah maybe.” 

“I see. Well there’s only one fix for that,” Ryan says. 

Shane looks up at him, almost mystified, and Ryan kisses him again, starts off softer this time. 

Slower, less hurried, his teeth don’t accidentally nip or clang against Shane’s. Slower, he can feel Shane’s little inhale before their lips meet, taste every bit of him. Ryan gets lost in the kiss, and it doesn’t stay slow for long, his hips rocking and kisses turning to gasps. He’s hard and Shane is too, the friction between them so good- the trunks so thin. And none of his thoughts from before seem real, it’s obviously because he’s kissing Shane. Ryan sucks a mark against his skin, wants to see it later, to remember this very moment- and then Shane gets up, pushing him out of his lap. 

Ryan wipes his mouth, and fuck okay, that went way further than he intended. 

“Too much?” Ryan asks. “I’m sorry. I thought you were feeling it.”

Shane shuts the camera off, turning back and Ryan fights to keep his eyes up on Shane’s. (The tent in his swim trunks is _ridiculous_. If Ryan didn’t intimately know better he’d accuse him of packing for the camera.) 

“I was, but I’m not going to be your experiment or whatever. I did enough of that in college.”

Ryan sighs, “Yeah me too.” 

“You- what?” 

“I never clicked with any of the guys though, so,” Ryan says with a shrug. 

Shane sits back down beside him, more room between them now that Ryan tries not to frown at. 

“And then I was dating Helen, so I dunno, it didn’t come up again. I guess it was easier not to acknowledge it.” 

“Huh,” Shane says, staring out at the ocean. 

Ryan exhales, “Yeah cool, great response there-”

Shane chuckles, turning back to him. “Sorry. All the ways us being fake boyfriends could end, I didn’t have my money on this.” 

“What do you mean?” Ryan asks, nerves crawling. Shane probably doesn’t want them dating for the show anymore, now that Ryan took kissing too far and Shane probably figured out before him that he has a crush and goddammit. 

“I figured it’d end with me in love with you, and you fucking a ghost.” 

A laugh bursts out of him, a grin quickly following, “Aha! You admit it! Ghosts are real!” 

“I admit nothing,” Shane says, and then they’re kissing again and Ryan could get used to ending disagreements like this. 

.

“Okay, last question- the worst part about kissing on a beach?” Jen asks. 

The interview has been pretty quick and painless, mostly full of Ryan trying not to say anything incriminating- like ‘guess who’s really my boyfriend, no really this time’ or ‘can you believe I wrote off blowing a guy in college as normal heterosexual behavior until now?’ 

“The goddamned sand,” Ryan answers her. “Or salty water- where ever you are, you lose.” 

Shane nods, “Good points, but I have to go with the obvious. All those voyeuristic oceanic creatures, whatta mood killer.”

“Oceanic creatures-” Ryan echoes with a small laugh. 

“Like I’m trying to get off here, please go away Mr. Narwhal.” 

“Jesus,” Ryan mutters, unable to stop a small smile and his ears burning. 

Jen laughs, “And that concludes couples kiss in stereotypically romantic locations. Join me next time for couples try out kinks they’ve never heard of. Boys?” 

Shane winks at the camera, “You’ll have to wait and see.” 

“You’ll have- we’re _not_ having kinky sex for the internet!” Ryan exclaims. 

Shane lowers his voice to a mock-whisper, “Ryan’s afraid I’ll awaken something in him, something that’ll take over-”

“Really? You wanna go there?”

“Oh-kay,” Jen interrupts them, “peace out.” 

“Already there baby,” Shane teases as Jen shuts the camera off and leaves them with a wave. 

And really, it was nice of Jen to pick out a room with a lock, because neither of them are leaving until this argument is settled. (Luckier still that the room’s only windows are to outside, three floors up.)


End file.
